Happy Birthday to me...

Wow, I'm 45 now.   Where has the time gone?   I was so cute when I was four.  I sometimes think that having the ability to recall events in my mind with total clarity has it's downfall.   I can remember sitting in Alex's Kindergarten orientation meeting.   When I close my eyes I can see the room and feel the chair.  I remember the smells and the pictures hanging on the walls.    Then I open my eyes and she's 23 years old ready to graduate from college.   wow
I can vividly remember sitting at Caleb's first baseball game.  It was chilly that day and I had to keep baby Micah wrapped up in a blanket on my lap.   Caleb struck out the first 2 times that he was up to bat , but it didn't bother him at all.  He's always been able to handle disappointments very easily.   However, the third time he was up to bat he hit the ball hard and ended up getting a triple because 5 and 6 year olds are pretty bad at fielding the ball.   He looked at me from third base and smiled and waved...so happy to be standing there in his uniform.   Then I blinked and he is at college and in charge of a bunch of other students as their resident advisor.  Taking on responsibilities of an adult.  wow
Sometimes when I sit in the van I get a flashback of driving Micah to his first day of school.   He was pensive and staring out the window , refusing to talk to us on our drive.   I held his hand as we walked to the building and it fit so perfectly into my own.  He looked up at me and said, "I'll try this today, but if I don't like it I am not coming back."   His sense of humor and ability to make me laugh in any situation has never changed.   Now I sit in the van and watch him walk into the high school when I drop him off in the morning.  I feel like if I whip my head around fast enough I will see him on that back seat with his crew cut hair and his little feet dangling over the edge of the seat...staring out the window.   wow
And then there are my memories of baby Jake.   My miracle child who's every moment is so vividly seared into my brain.   When he's on the soccer field he smiles all the time and he ALWAYS gives his mom a thumb's up or a wave.  I wave back and think about Caleb standing on third base...and try to push back the knowledge that Jake will soon be in college to.  wow

So I am now 45 years old.   Last night Tilden asked me if it bothered me that my parents didn't call me on my birthday.   He wanted to know if I was upset that I didn't get any text or cards from my siblings.   " No" , I said, " I guess everyone is busy".   Pam called and wished me a Happy Birthday...one call is good...LOL...thanks Pam!   My boys played zombies on x-box with me for three hours for my "present".   It was fun and a sacrifice for them...as I am pretty bad.   Alex made me some super decorations for the kitchen and it took a lot of thought and prep....and Jake hugged me for an hour and gave me a chocolate cat, which he then proceeded to eat.    I'm good :)

PMS?

My day has brought me to tears and I have to stop and wonder if this is a normal reaction or if it's PMS.   I would have to guess that it's PMS because usually things just roll off my back.

I start the morning at Jake's school to watch his first grade music program.   I asked Caleb to go since he is on Spring break, but he emphatically shares his reasons on why a FIRST GRADE program is not going to be part of his day.  Five minutes into the program I receive a text from Tilden that says, "I won't be there, stuck at work".     Oh well, I have my Flip video camera with me, so I will just tape it for him.   I pulled this picture off the video, so it's not great photo quality.

Friday is my lunch day with Tilden, but I had a project to finish at the school for one of the teachers.    I knew that Caleb was home so I texted him to see if he wanted to meet us at the local Mexican place.   He texted me back that he would, but he was going to be a little late.  I pass that along to Tilden.   On my way to lunch I get a text from Caleb saying, " I am tired of waiting around and I don't have time to waste so I am leaving".   I called him and he said that he had been waiting at the restaurant and we weren't there so he left.   Ummm...Tilden was INSIDE at a table waiting.   Caleb got into a little tiff with me about it and insisted that I was wrong and he was right.   I went inside and Tilden said that he saw Caleb drive through the parking lot while he was sitting there and wondered why he never came in...WHATEVER!
So, I am then driving home and I decide to take the scenic route because the weather was so nice.   I go down a side street and then onto the main road and stop at a red light.   I look in my mirror and I see a police car pull up behind me, so I make that mental note to NOT SPEED.   The light turned green and I seriously only drove one block before he was flashing his siren at me to pull over.   He proceeds to tell me that he just clocked me doing 51 in a 35.   I look at him and my mouth drops and I say, " My van can not even accelerate to 50 in this short distance from the stop light to here."   He tries to explain that he clocked me before the light and I politely tell him that I wasn't even on this road and came off the side street to that light and there was absolutely no way that I was going over 35, but he got irritated at with me for arguing and gave me the ticket..mumbling something about me as he walked away.   PLUS, I didn't have my insurance card with me  :(    I have no idea where that is either.

I finally come home with my speeding ticket in hand...so frustrated that I start to cry and I decided to load the video's from Jake's program.   I watched one and it was sooooo freaking cute and I decided to pull photo's off that reel.   I have never done this before, but it looked easy.   I pulled 3, but noticed that the one wasn't very good, so I deleted it...I thought.   My heart dropped to my toes when I realized that I had actually deleted the VIDEO and not that single photo.   There was no way to recover it and I tried looking at everything I could think of...so these 2 pictures are all that I have from that song.



Then I sat back and CRIED...oh my gosh...what a day so far and it's only 2pm.   I looked at the calendar and said to myself, "hmmmm this is probably PMS".  LOL   It doesn't make me feel better though.    I'm just glad that Jake sang more than one song today and I didn't lose them all.
Micah just walked got home from school and said, "hey mom, my saxaphone broke today"....   NOOOOOOOOO

Watching

This is one of my favorite pictures .  I like it so much that I have even turned it into a magnet for my refrigerator.  LOL   I don't like it just because it's a picture of Jake  -because it could be any one of my kids from this angle...yes, even Alex.  (She had that same hair as a 1 year old.)   I love the whole idea of the picture, the hidden meaning.
What you don't see in this picture is Tilden.  He was off to the left ready to pounce and tackle Jake if he tried to make a break for the water.   We were watching this little guy as he felt independent and made a break for the open trail.   We let him do it.  We let him run as fast as he could, but we ran along side him and followed him closely.
When I was driving home from taking Jake to school today I was thinking about this picture.   I always see the high school kids walking to school on my route home and so many of them are "alone".    I saw a boy today with really long unkept hair, no jacket, drinking a can of coke and smoking a cigarette on his walk to school.   He was probably just a Freshman by the looks of him.   Where are his "watchers"?   Who is running along side of this boy , making sure he doesn't jump in the pond or stop to eat a bug?   Who is "loving" him and guiding his life?   Where is his "watcher" telling him to brush his hair and that he needs to wear a coat today? So many kids are left to their own devices around here.  So many are raising themselves.  
Micah went to bed last night with sore teeth from having his braces tightened and pain in his foot from wearing his cast.   It's part of my job to make sure he gets his "boo-boo's" fixed and his teeth straightened.  Neither of those things are very fun...neither of them are free.   They take sacrifices on both our parts.  I am his "watcher" though.  I am making sure he grows up strong and safe.   Letting your kid become independent does not mean leaving them alone.
From my house I can still see Caleb and Alex.   Although they are much further up the trail and can now "swim"...I am watching to see if they need help.  Did they fall?  Did they stumble?  Do they need a band aide?  Are they lost?   I'm still watching.
Micah is still within arms reach, but Jake is right next to me.   It's my job and I love my job.   It makes me sad though, for all these kids who have no one watching them.   No one checking their homework or making sure they ate lunch.   When they fall down...no one is rushing to pick them back up.   Our society is doomed unless we start "watching" our kids.   They are NOT little adults.  They shouldn't be smoking at the age of 14 or looking at pornography at the age of 10.  Why aren't we watching them?  
Now I am on my way to Jake's class.  We are making pumpkin pie today and there are so many kids in his class who have never done this before.  Jake was cracking the eggs for me at 2 years old.  He's like a pro now.   I just know that while I am in his class I will be thinking of this picture.    I will have to watch them all while I am there...look at all their journals and tell them how cute they are today.   Some of them have been on that path all alone for years already.   It's so sad.   There is an entire generation of kids who are raising themselves and they aren't doing a good job!

Blogging

I blog in my head all day long.   I compose massive postings while in the shower or folding the laundry, but for some reason they never quite make it up here to my computer.   I find myself running out of quiet time where I can sit here and type away.   Currently, the boys are at a birthday party with Tilden and I have the house to myself.   I didn't turn on the TV or go to my facebook to play some games, but came here instead.

There are a million things in my head, but only half of those are for "public" consumption.  LOL   People who see me often have started asking me "what's wrong" more than they should be...so apparently I must be "sullen" and moody.       I miss my sisters as they are spread out across the world.  
You'd think that being a few states away would make them accessible, but unless we become independently wealthy that is never going to happen.  They might as well ALL live in Spain.   I haven't seen my new little niece and my nephews are growing up without "Aunt Shell" in their everyday vocabulary.   I guess that is just our lot in life though and we can't do anything about it as we live in a very mobile society.

High school soccer season is finally over.   I don't think people realize the stress level involved for a high school coach's wife.   I like that Tilden coaches and I am proud of his accomplishments and his reputation.  I wouldn't change that in any way.   It is just a LOT of stress for me.   I become the sole parent and everything falls in my lap.   I have to plan dinner around away games, practices and meetings.   Most of the time Jake and I eat alone because we get tired of waiting.  Men become very consumed in sports and it fills up every single aspect of your life.  If we aren't at a game, we are talking about a game or reading about soccer online.   I went to all the games this year and kept score for Tilden.   Jake usually found someone to play with and I sat in the stands and tried to buffer myself from the onslaught of the "hate" talk.   Either their  kid isn't playing enough or they  feel the coach is unfair or they can do a better job.  Nothing got under my skin more than hearing our own parents make negative comments about Micah.   It was rare, but once in awhile he messed up and if he did...watch out.  The sharks circled all year long just waiting to pounce on anything he did wrong because he played over their own kid...and he was the coach's son..blah blah blah.  
What did they know?  NOTHING!!   Micah, as a lowly freshman, was voted onto the first team all District.   That is a very big deal.   Tilden didn't put him on the team either...it was done by a voting procedure with all the head coach's in our district.   He earned that himself because he is an awesome player.

He had to hear a lot of crap this year about being a Freshman and starting Varsity.   He was tough and let it roll off his back and just played his game.  I loved sitting in the stands and watching his many ninja styling's.   He loves to jump in the air and do some crazy kick.   I was highly entertained this year and amazed that he scored 7 goals as a Freshman.   That is pretty cool.

He had one "bad" game this year where I had to step in and talk to him about his attitude.  He wants to win so badly that it can cloud his vision.   He asked to come out of the game and then proceeded to pace up and down the sidelines, just furious with the team and himself for making mistakes that he found unforgivable.   Usually, he kept his cool and remained positive, but that ONE single game in the freezing rain he busted out that famous temper of his and I swear that I saw smoke billowing from his ears.    The next day we had a talk about temper tantrums and how to find that "peace" within yourself to keep calm.   I think that is something he is going to battle his entire life.   He is the most mild mannered , laid back kid in our family, but he has the worst temper.  I'm not sure how that goes together, LOL.   Luckily, he rarely lets that temper show.   Warning to the world....when Micah is mad, stay away!!  

Just in case you didn't realize it...soccer is never done and there is no off season.   We have shifted to indoor soccer already and Jacob is playing for an Academy team that has him playing in tournaments.   Micah is taking a short break as he wants his broken foot to heal completely.   I am taking him to the doctor this week to see what the prognosis might be.   We are certain that it's never healed and hoping that we can find a solution.   Micah's indoor season doesn't start until January.   He finally has time to rest that darn foot.   In the meantime he is being forced to watch Jake play and NOT enjoying the role of spectator.   Jacob is thrilled to have him on the sidelines watching him play.  They are each others best cheerleader and both think that the other one is a soccer "god".   LOL

That is my current life.   Living the role of a soccer wife/mom.  It is hectic and rushed, but you make a lot of good friends along the way and it is rewarding to watch your kids excel in something that they love so much.

Physical therapy

What is physical therapy like for a torn tendon and strained ligaments in your foot?   Oh , well I am glad you asked because I have done 2 whole sessions of therapy so far.
Does your foot hurt?  Yes.   Have you been doing your exercises?  Yes.  It still hurts?  Yes.

Hop up on the table and get a stretch band and flex your foot forward, pulling the band back as tight as you can.  Sure...that's not to hard.  Do it 100 times.  ACK!   I got up to 30 before the searing pain kicked in, but I powered through and got up to 100...thank goodness Sesame Street taught me how to count that high.   Now my Achilles tendon is feeling like someone sliced it with a red hot poker...nice...hey, wait a second...my Achilles wasn't hurting BEFORE I got here!
The physical therapist dude is a nice guy, but he causes a lot of pain...so I am not liking him very much.   He grabs my foot and starts stretching it into Gumby type positions that a foot is not meant to go.   Does this hurt?  Ummmm....yeah, does it hurt when I stab you in the eye with my car keys?
He then feels around all the tendons and muscles and says, "you sure do have a lot of scar tissue in this main tendon".   Okay, should I be worried?  Proud?  Excited?   I have no idea.    Lets put you in the whirlpool to loosen that up.

You don't actually get IN the whirlpool now.   The tank is much higher than my waist, in fact.   They attach a little ledge thing on the side and then tell you to "hop up there".   Excuse me?   No step ladder...no grab bar on the wall?   I have to get up there and swing my leg around and plunge it into this 105 degree water.  Somehow I manage to do this with no assistance and he tells me that I need to stay there for 15 minutes and move my foot constantly.  Draw the alphabet with my foot in the water (yet another reason to be thankful for Sesame Street).   He puts on some kitchen timer and leaves me there.   There is literally NOTHING to do..nothing to look at, but a flickering fluorescent light that goes out about every 3 minutes and then buzzes loudly and pops back on.   No one else is down there in the whirlpool room...no one in the hallway..no one anywhere.   I am drawing the alphabet with my foot and humming the ABC song absentmindedly.   Water is splashing up onto my shorts and my foot is literally being pummeled by this jet and it is supposed to feel good, but it doesn't feel good AT ALL.   It feels like someone shooting b.b.'s at my ankle.    I sit there and daydream a story that I sit here for 25 minutes and finally give up and get out of that whirlpool and go looking for the staff...no one can be found and suddenly I am the only person left in the whole town...abcdefg...where did everyone go while I was hidden away in the basement of physical therapy...hijklmnop....
DING!  The kitchen timer goes off and my physical therapist pops magically back into the room, I guess I have to come back to reality.  Be careful when you get out because there is water on the floor...geee..thanks for the warning.
My whole leg is now super tingly and feeling like jell-o as I hop back up on the table.   He gets out this goose grease stuff and then "massages" my Achilles and the tendon on the side of my foot.   Seriously, I broke into a sweat because it was soooo freaking painful.   He looks at me and says, "you think this is bad now, just wait until tonight when your whole leg hurts, you will be cursing my name."  Wrong...I am already cursing your name!  LOL
A few more stretching exercises with the band and instructions on what to do and what not to do over the next few days and then I am out the door.   It takes an entire hour to finish one session and it's seriously excruciating.   To make it even worse , my insurance really sucks and I have to pay 40.00 for every single visit.  So, I am PAYING for this torture...sheesh!
It's been 4  hours since I came from therapy and I can't even walk at this point.  I've taken Aleve...and some Motrin...nothing really helps.   When I get off of here I have to stand in the kitchen and make dinner, which isn't recommended, but I HAVE to do it or we will starve tonight.   I can't afford to eat out when I am forking 40.00 over for this therapy stuff.   My Achilles tendon feels like it's full of broken glass and the whole side of my foot and bottom of my foot hurts to touch it, so standing on it is suicide.  Oh well...
If I could go back in time, when I was sitting at the orthopedist and he said, "we can cast it or try therapy first, what do you want to do?"  I SO would say, CAST ME, CAST ME NOW!  
That's all for now.  I had to complain someplace and get it out of my system.  Thank you Internet for listening

Long time no see

I think about writing on here, but then I have to do the laundry or run to pick up one of the boys and time just gets away from me.

I have some brief updates for my year:

Micah is now in high school. Yes, you heard me correctly. Hard to believe that my little "bowl headed haircut" child is two steps away from being an adult. He's a great kid and accomplishes so much in his daily life.

He is starting Varsity for the High school soccer team and a part of the WGH Raider Marching band. He's a pretty cool character.

Jake is now a big time first grader. Maturity-wise that is the best place for him, but intellectually, he's so far beyond grade level. At the end of Kindergarten he was reading at a 4th grade level and spelling at a 5th grade level. He's another little "Tatebe smartie". I guess all that TV watching paid off for my kids and made them smarter, LOL. He is an exceptional soccer player and even though he is technically a U-7 level player he is playing competitive U-10. I don't know how far he will go with his love for soccer, but right now that is his entire life. He is playing with a team called "Soccer Vision Academy" and loving every single minute of his time at practice or in games. He is a phenom with this sport and can do all sorts of moves that boggle the mind. His coach calls him "the little magician". He was doing a "roulette" when I took this picture. He spun the ball around the opponent and just kept on running.

I am now officially an educational aid substitute in our school system. I was hoping to get called to sub as a Kindergarten aid, but they link the job in with MHD and LD classrooms. I did my first day of subbing this week with a class full of autistic and developmentally handicapped children. It was a very rough day! LOL I could never do that for a living. It is so extremely stressful. Hopefully, my next call is for good old Kindergarten!

Christmas cards

I knew that all the kids would be together for Tilden's birthday so I made plans to take our Christmas card pictures. It was a chilly autumn day...not exactly winter looking, but you have to make due with what you have. LOL

I am NOT showing you the picture that I will be using...instead I want to share the quantity of mishap non usable pictures. :) Plus, my kids can't resist that trampoline, so here are a few shots of their antics.

Jacob threw his arms out at the last second and Alex was in the process of trying to bite him.

This angle makes Jacob look even smaller than he is...the GIANT Tatebe children.