" A 3 hour tour"

Seriously, this was a solid 3 hour block of my life today that I feel the need to share. I just know that one of my sisters will say, "oh I had a day like that too". :) It's more fun to tell it to you in first person...so delve into my mind and off we go!

Hmmm...it's only noon and I've got time to start wedding soup and suprise Tilden. It's a big process if you follow this recipe and short cutting steps results in the soup tasting "off". This won't be to bad, Jake is eating his lunch and Micah doesn't need picked up for 4 more hours. So, I gather up all my ingredients and I get the stock started. Fill up the big big pot with lots of water toss in an onion, several whole carrots and a few whole stalks of celery. Lalalalalala...see this is going to be breezy. Maybe I should get the recipe out just in case I forgot something. Here it is! Chicken? Oh , yeah, how could I forget to throw the chicken in there?
I look in the freezer and I see no chicken. That's strange, maybe it's behind something else. I dig and dig an still...no chicken. I descend to the beloved basement freezer and open it, but the light is burnt out and I can't see a thing. Shoot, now I have to go back up the stairs and get the flashlight from the kitchen. Get the flashlight and go back down...I hate those stairs!! YAY, I found chicken!!! I take it upstairs and open the bag to discover that the freezer must have been open at some point this month and then pushed back shut. Just long enough for the chicken to slightly thaw and then freeze again as one giant clump of chicken parts. I get out a knife and use it as an ice pick to whack chicken breast off the clump o'chicken and then I drop them into the pot.
Look at me I am so productive. I should peel all the carrots and chop up the celery for later. I have an hour or so before I need to put them into the soup, but if I do it now I won't have to do it later...makes sense to me! Peel peel peel the carrots. A whole giant bag of carrots peeled and chopped up. Scrub up the dirty celery...honestly, that is the direst vegetable! Chop chop chop all the celery. Wow, that is a big bowl of veggies. Now, remember this garbage disposal is so weird about carrot peelings. I don't want it to clog so I have to trickle the carrot peelings into the hole.
There...now I just have to wash the counters down and I can go vacuum the living room. WHAT THE HECK?! Stupid garbage disposal backed up again? I was so careful this time. I hate that thing ...I swear that it's allergic to carrots. Well, I watched Tilden do this a hundred times and I am sure I can do this myself. Plus, I need the sink to finish this soup.
I suppose that I need to clear out the cupboard under the sink first. Why on earth did I buy more Dawn? I have 2 under here already, dude, I wonder how old this one is? Do they even make this bottle anymore? Oh crap, I need to get the bucket from the basement to catch the water. Back downstairs I go...feeling a little twang in my knee again. It doesn't like the stairs.
Okay, now I just have to wedge the bucket under this J shaped pipe and then unscrew it. The carrots always seem to lodge in there. I can't believe how tight these things are screwed on...oh my gosh I am soooo going to give myself a hernia turning these!! I finally wrestle this pipe off and brace myself for the gush of water, but nothing comes out. I get the piece of pipe off and look inside and it's clean as a whistle. DANGGIT...the clog must be in the straight connector piece. I move the bucket over , not reattaching the J pipe, but I stick a big tupperware bowl under there...just in case. I am so not cleaning up an extra mess!! If I am careful I can get this done with no hassle. lalalalalaaa...I'm so handy! I wonder what Jake is doing? Oh well...
I start to unscrew the fitting on the straight piece and I feel the pipe start to vibrate rapidly. What is that? The disposal isn't even on..that's weird. I keep unscrewing and ...BAAAMMMMM!!!! Water and carrot bits start spraying every where. The floor is soaked, I am soaked and I do the "girly" scream, which attracts Jake. "mom, why are you doing that mess?" ...oh go away Jacob. I gather my senses and hurry up and unscrew the fitting all the way and the rest of the water falls into the bucket. It is then that I realize the dishwasher is running and it's attached to the garbage disposal...what great timing do I have? Oh my goodness, what are the odds that I would be unscrewing that pipe at the exact moment that the pressure from the dishwasher forces more water into the pipe? Oh my gosh...water is seeping into my underwear, ugh this is nasty! My legs are completely covered in carrot bits and I am soaked. I send Jake to get me a towel and then I finish unclogging this blessed pipe and screw it all back together. brrrr... I am really getting cold now, but why change my clothes when I am going to be cleaning up the floor anyhow?
What is this under here? Hmmm...a box of garbage disposal cleaners...I wonder when I bought these? I might as well use one and do a thorough job of cleaning. " run hot water at a trickle, shove biodegradable packet down into the disposal. Turn disposal on and leave water at a trickle. A blue foam will rise up as it cleans, when it recedes you can turn off the disposal and run the water for one minute." Simple. I follow the plan and watch the pretty blue foam rise up and recede. Then I look under the sink on a whim and notice lovely blue foam ooozing from one of the joints. For crying out loud, I am not strong enough to crank that thing tighter. I grab and towel and with all my might I force it a few more inches and the foam stops it's oozing. I put everything back under the sink and then run upstairs to change. I swear that I fell into a river...how can I be this wet?

Okay, so...wow...it's already 2 o'clock? sheesh...time to take the chicken out and chop it up, toss the stock veggies and add the chopped up ones. I start my process and Jake comes sheepishly into the kitchen. "Mom, I made a spill, are you going to spank me?". JAKE...SERIOUSLY? I am never getting this soup done! I go into the living room and am welcomed by a mountain of Kleenex. What the heck? What did you spill Jake? My spaghettio's and my blue Huggie drink. I then scream, "GET UPSTAIRS BEFORE I BEAT THE LIFE OUT OF YOU!!". He darts away like a rabbit and then I feel guilty for yelling because I just made a big mess myself, so who am I to judge?
I remove this mountain of spaghettio ridden Kleenex to find a dinner plate size area of ground in tomato sauce on my light tan rug. Are you kidding me? How on earth can I clean this up? Oh, but look at the blue huggie pattern..it crosses the spaghettio sauce at the perfect point to make a lovely shade of purple. I guess I am going to have to dig the carpet cleaner out now. Back to the basement I wander , but I can not find my carpet cleaner. Okay, I am losing my mind!! Did I loan it to someone? No, no...I don't remember doing that. Wait a second...Tilden "cleaned" the basement so that the electrician could get to the box so he must have moved it. DANGIT, he forgot his cell phone today so I can't call him. sigh..
I dig around and finally see the handle under the stairs behind MOUNTAINS of crap. I have to dig it out as if I am unearthing a T-Rex skeleton. Why on earth would he shove this so far back? OUCH>>>what did I step on? Oh I don't want to know. I limp up the stairs with this monstrous carpet cleaner and then I proceed to rummage through the cleaning supplies for the carpet cleaner solution. Oh praise Jesus, we have some! I go to add the water and cleaner solution to the tank and discover that the tank isn't even there. Back down stairs I go to get the tank from the utility sink. For some reason it's covered in paint chips. I have no idea what's going on there!
Finally, I have this machine together and I end up cleaning the entire carpet because if I had only done the spaghettio spot...well it would be weird looking. Since I have this up here I guess I should wash the kitchen floor with it too and clean up that carrot mess.
I begrudgingly do that whole floor and work up a serious sweat. When it's all done I call Jake back downstairs and give him the standard lecture about telling me FIRST when he spills and never using Kleenex for clean up. I plop down on the couch and then realize I never cut up the chicken!! Back to the kitchen I go and start cutting all the chicken into bite sized pieces and dropping them into the soup. While I was doing that Tilden calls me from work to tell me that he forgot his phone...yeah, I know. Then he tells me that he has a meeting tonight for soccer. Are you SERIOUS? I am killing myself with this soup and he's not even coming home?
LOL
I finish the chicken and look at the clock...it's now 3:30. Wow, what a day!

And while I was typing this my boys have had their own adventures for the night. Micah decided that he wanted to shave for the first time, but he didn't want to wait another hour for his dad to come home. Well, I don't shave my face, so I am not really sure what to tell you...this is what dad does..blah blah blah. I am very tempted to get my camera and snap a shot, but he's going through puberty and not very agreeable with things of that nature. I just left him alone. He did a fine job.
Jacob took his own shower because he didn't want any help. As I am typing this line he is saying, "Mom, I washed my butt and I did a great job. My butt is so clean, want to see?". No thanks Jake, I'll trust you.
Can I go to bed now?